"In the circumstances in which we face, where there isn't very much money around, where many millions of other people are being asked to make sacrifices, where many young people in the future want to go to university, we have to find the solution for all of that," said Nicholas Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister of England, as British lawmakers approved a plan that would raise the cap on university tuition from $5,000 U.S. to $10,000, with special exceptions going as high as $15,000. Clegg and his Liberal Democrat Party had signed a pre-election pledge not to raise tuition rates.

British university students nodded thoughtfully, considered the necessity of spending cuts to ensure the survival of a bankrupt nation, and began throwing billiard balls and flares. The streets of London are boiling over with increasingly violent rioters this afternoon. Protesters have trashed the Tory Party headquarters, and even assaulted Prince Charles' automobile. The Independent says these are the worst riots they've seen in 20 years.